Ode to a Cat: Part 1

Since there is nothing more thrilling than hearing someone talk about their pets, I thought I would take a moment to discuss the wonders of my cat. It's just a shame there is no sound so you can't hear me use a baby voice as I regale you with tales about my itty bitty widdle kitty. Alas, this will have to do.

I got my cat from a shelter a little over a year ago. I had started volunteering there mostly because I wanted a cat but, being a nomad, didn't actually live anywhere so I had no home to share with a pet. My duties consisted mostly of petting cats, brushing cats and looking at cats. On my first day, within moments of me asking if the shelter needed any help, I was given a dog to walk. It wore a little vest that said "ADOPT ME" and off I went. Now, when they first said walk a dog I thought "oh man, i'll look so cool and i'll swing by work and everyone will be like 'cool, a dog'. What fun!" Unfortunately, while the dog (a small pitbull I think) was very sweet, it also had one if its eyes bulging out of its head exposing the red around it and looked like a bloody gumball about to drop out of its face. Not cute. As I walked the pooch, praying that it wouldn't have to go #2, (in walking my sister's dog in the past I had learned that I had a 50-50 chance of throwing up if I had to pick up the poop. I have a bad gag reflex and the smells and warmth in the bag.... ugh! Too much for my delicate disposition to handle). Luckily/unluckily this Peter Lorre look-alike had the squirts so I just looked the other way and continued on my way. Anyway, it was a quick walk that, needless to say, did not involve me parading it in front of my co-workers.

Peter Lorre

Back to the cat. While I was at the shelter to help out I, selfishly, was spending most of my time picking out a cat for me. At first there was a calico that I named Razzamatazz (not officially, just in my head) but since I can never make decisions he was adopted before I had a chance to make up my mind. Then one day I saw this pretty little gray tiger striped cat with big beautiful green eyes who was soo sweet. She purred and meowed and I thought, "This is the one!." Then I saw a teeny tiny white kitten and decided THAT was the one until I found out it had already been adopted so I went back the the original ONE. (I hope she doesn't read this!)

I went to the owner of the shelter right then and there and did the paperwork and she was mine. I was all ready to pack her up and go until the owner reminded me that I was supposed to be helping out and needed to stay til closing. So for the remainder of the day I pet her while picking out a name. I don't really pick out good names for pets. When I think about getting a pet and naming it I'm like, oh wouldn't Camus be cool or maybe little Nirvana but as soon as I get a pet I name it something uninteresting like Myrtle. My first was a guinea pig I named Jonathan (very imaginative). Then a cat named Tiara (terrible), Sugarcube (I was into Bjork at the time), a frog named Mortimer (no idea), Mina, Fuzzy Lumpkins.... so it should come as not surprise that my cat has a lame name. For some reason she looked exactly like a Cosette to me. I don't know what a Cosette looks like, I've never met one, the only time I've ever heard the name was in Les Miserables but she needed to be a Cosette (which I'm not sure is better or worse than the name they gave her in the shelter, Lady Godiva)With time Cosette has turned to Cosi (or Cozy or Cozi I can never decide on the spelling) so I have a cat named Cozy.

I hadn't gotten a pet for some time because I believed I was cursed. None of my pets last long and I thought if I got another one it too would die an early death. But then I decided I wanted a pet so I said "meh, whatever". One cat had some disease, 2 got hit by cars while under my mother's care (ahem), the frog jumped on my sister's head, I looked away for literally a second, and it was never seen again...no idea where it went. I came home one day to see my hamster's cage door wide open and he was never seen again either, I think my crazy landlord hamster-napped him.... Because of this I am a little protective over her and she repays me in scratches, bites and soiled kitty litter. Seems like a fair trade.

When I first got her she was very timid, staying mostly in a corner but she was affectionate and would sit on my lap as I pet her. About a week into my new catdom she started scratching and scratching so I decided to take her to a quick visit to the vet. Well it turned out the "2 year old" cat I adopted was more like 8 years old, she had a heart murmur, was missing teeth, had an ear infection and ended up costing me $300 for them to basically tell me I had a cootie cat. I freaked out at first but I had specifically wanted to adopt an older cat since they have a harder time getting adopted, and I knew she had been on the streets so I sucked it up and she eventually got better and, for a short time, things were good. Theeeennnnn I noticed she started to do a happy dance. A very happy dance. That bitch was in heat. And I mean ALL THE TIME. I would say 3 out of 4 weeks she was wiggling her butt, slithering around like a creep and caterwauling til all hours of the night. Well, she was supposed to have been spayed...but that was not the case.

To be continued....