Aaaaand...We're Off!

Highlights of Traveling with M & B or A Review of America's McDonald's

The other day, after packing up the car and getting to our standard 1-2 hour-behind-schedule-start we set sail, or..engine, for Florida. M, cat in a box, and I in one car, B and pooch in the other. We exhausted ourselves after about 15 minutes of driving and stopped at our first McDonald's of the day where M & B had an in-depth debate as to whether there was any "value" in their value meal or if they would've been better off buying their items individually next time. Pretty exciting stuff.

We headed on our way and I tried not to think ahead, just focus on the moment..otherwise I'd start to get antsy at the thought of the 2 day,10 hour each, drive ahead of us and nervous with the threat of having to eventually get behind the wheel. I had been slowly building up the nerve to drive, "heck yeah I can do it. Just like riding a bike." But then the battalion of Mack trucks hovering around and B, whose car we were following, endlessly weaving in and out of the lanes as if attempting to shake us.(..come to think of it...) started to get to me.

I busied myself by being self-appointed Master of Ceremonies, DJ Not-Much-To-Work-With (given the CD collection I had brushed the dust off of to bring on the trip. Apparently 2004 was the last time I had purchased a CD). It went well- The Kinks , The Cure, Blondie (Moby, alas, only lasted 1 song before I noticed my M starting to twitch) and I was overall very impressed with my selection and variety. 
Later, we discussed Marvin Gaye while listening to his greatest hits. M reflected on his life.."What kind of father did he have? First he names him Marvin, then he shoots him? What a bitter man..."

M & B, having made this trip around 1 million times (that was the approximate amount M gave me when I asked for a ballpark number) have it down to a science and so soon enough we stopped to take the dog for a walk and I was informed that shortly we would be stopping for lunch at....McDonald's.."He loves McDonald's" M said when I questioned our choice to go to the same restaurant that had wronged them so terribly at breakfast. Lets just say at lunch when M  removed the buns from her two hamburgers and was left with 2 small discs of meat to munch on, she wasn't too pleased.

The rest of the day went on without much action. As the hours dragged on, we busied ourselves reading the catchy license plates Virginians had customized such as "SHOPPING" (great purchase) and "YUO FAIL" (ahh, clever) and I amused myself by snickering at the town names (Backlick) and store signs (I almost lost it at BJ's GAS).

At one point M spilled coffee all over herself and as she struggled to steer while wiping herself off with a tissue, I asked, "Can I help you" "No," she said. "It's just a birth defect."

We stopped at a motel for the night and dinner, well, I think it's better left unmentioned but it consisted of a pile of anonymous seafood divvied up by 3. I forced it down, shoved in some earplugs and hurried to fall asleep before B started his epic snoring....

I awoke with M whispering, that there was a McDonald's breakfast waiting for me. Oh Joy. A piece of meat and cheese product on an english muffin. We took off for day 2 and this time we were on smaller roads, driving through North Carolina M pointed out the small town we passed and said, "You know, people in this part of the country have been marrying their cousins for generations."

Half way through the day I took over driving for a bit, fists grasped tightly around the steering wheel, eyes wide with fear with each approaching car sending me into a fit of panic. We stopped for lunch at McDonald's where M was more satisfied with her lunch than the day before. "This one's not so bad". She took over after a couple of hours and then the stir craziness set in. We were left with the less desirable musically and highly scratched, cracked and overall neglected and abused CDs. When we finally arrived to the house in Florida we were all pooped and ready to get out of the car...

As we sat around the dinner table that night we were left with these final thoughts by M, "You know, since McDonald's seems to be raising their prices and lowering their quality, I don't think I want to eat there anymore." Silence from B...

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